So, I learnt a new word, today. Panjandrum. Historically, this word refers to a self-important, pretentious official. However, it is gaining more modern significance in the wine world, referring to self-proclaimed “wine experts”.
Now, most adults, even those not working in the wine industry, have come across these people. They are the ones that bring the show-off bottle to the casual dinner party; all the while, interrupting polite conversation, to describe said bottle, with overly verbose and outlandish adjectives.
Prior to my discovery of the term Panjandrum, I simply referred to these people as “wine wankers”. I have come across many of them, in my time, but my favourite was a fellow who was shopping in a wine store I was employed at. When I approached him to offer assistance, his response was “Young lady, you trying to tell me anything about wine, is like trying to tell the Pope how to be a better Catholic.” He then left the store with an $8 bottle of Merlot. Was this guy full of shit? Is the Pope a Catholic?
Just yesterday, I was in a local cellar door, known for great quality wines. A couple arrived, and began to sample the wines. The first, a particularly lovely Blanc de Blanc, caused her to screw up her face into something that resembled my cat’s butt. She groaned, in audible displeasure. Upon tasting the second wine, a sparkling Pinot Noir/ Chardonnay, she very loudly asked the cellar door attendant, “Do you have any wines that don’t taste like vinegar?” to which the lady behind the counter curtly replied, “The entire range.” Realising that she had offended the attendant, she went on to apologise, “I’m sorry. I’m a wine snob. I know everything there is to know about wine.”The cellar door staff, not wishing to respond to her outlandish comment, tried to proceed with the tasting, “Would you like to try our Pinot Gris?” to which she replied, “Is that a red wine?”
Wine Wankerdom is often a double edged sword. On a recent trip to Coonawarra, a wino friend and I visited some of the cellar doors (... when in Rome). Whilst at one particular cellar door, the lady behind the counter was going into great depths, explaining very basic, elementary details about the wine. We mentioned to her that we worked in the industry, yet she continued with her speech. Despite the fact that we have studied wine in university and worked in the industry for years, we were both too afraid of appearing panjandrum-esque, so we sat politely, listening to her spiel.
Now, anyone who knows anything about wine, would never claim to know it ALL. Even people with decades of experience in wine, would never make such an assertion. Just as wine is a constantly evolving product, so too is the wine industry. As new scientific discoveries are blending with Old World techniques, there is always something new on the frontier. This, aside from the fabulous taste, is what makes wine so very interesting.
While Panjandrum is an interesting phrase and a really fun word to say, Wine Wanker is an easier term to remember, and often requires no explanation.