Here's to Your Health: PH Balanced Wines
        By Tim Protzman

So many people suffer for their art. Van Gogh cut off his ear. Pollack lived in a third floor walk-up without heat. An actress friend of mine put it best when she said in her typical drama queen fashion, "I act because I have to. Not because I want to."

This week, I, too, suffered for my craft. My son believes I'm America's second greatest hypochondriac. Woody Allen would be the greatest, just because he had the foresight to contract Dutch Elm disease in his last movie. What genius. But I don't think my hypochondria's pathological, because it's so amusing and I'm not debilitated by it. In the past I've suffered from some real maladies and I don't want to make light of anyone else's condition. But, it's true and funny that I've self-diagnosed a strained calf muscle as polio, a pimple as melanoma, and a cough as tuberculosis. Usually it's in the form of a fleeting thought at the moment of discovery, a simple fever becomes Malaria, swollen lymph nodes become Bubonic Plague. (Yes, it's still around!)

I chalk this up to my overactive sense of doom and my gender. Yes, ladies here it is in print: men are the weaker sex when it comes to their health. And this week I didn't feel good.

You'd think with all the antioxidants in red wine I'd be a pillar of health. But add in a decent but overly plentiful diet, the summer heat, and my penchant for hiking in deer infested woods (Lyme disease!) and you'll see how close to the edge I really live.

Being sick in the summer is no fun. Every healthy person is out in the sun and air. You just want to stay home. But whatever had me down was subtle like a St. Emilion with a lack of energy as distinct as the first crisp mouthful of a Californian Chardonnay.

What made me feel better was a new strange beverage-water. Not just any water, but special ph-balanced water.

EVamor and Essentia are two specially formulated natural waters with a high alkaline content. This is supposed to remove toxins and provide your body with the proper nutrients and balanced ph to fight infections, viruses, and malignancy.

All I know is that after two bottles of each I had the energy to write this column and my liver sent me a thank you note. And the water has almost no flavor, so it's the perfect palate cleanser for a wine tasting. The thing I noticed is the water comes from deep artesian wells bored through limestone. Most good wine comes from soil with high limestone content. Grapes don't grow well on igneous or metamorphic rock; sedimentary is where it's at. Limestone, brownstone, and shaley soils rule. And now it's supposed to be good for you.

This week's wines are specially ph-balanced for optimum health. Drink responsibly-and above all choose a designated liver.

2002 Genofranco Syrah - $11.49: This Sicilian wine didn't quite cut it. Syrah isn't a temperamental grape, but I think Sicily's a little too hot for Shiraz to thrive, or maybe it's just a bad year. Lesson learned: stick to Nero d'Avola. It's imported by Sidney Frank, who made a fortune off Grey Goose Vodka.

2003 Graceland Vineyards Elvis Blue Suede Chardonnay - $8.99: Once you get through the laboratory-esque tastes, this wine presents a few Burgundian flavor notes including vanilla and honeydew. Better than I thought, but not like the Sauvignon Blanc.

2000 Chateau Teynac St. Julien - $19.99: Juicy but restrained with cassis, currant, and elderberry fruit with an easy going structure that lends itself to plain food like hamburgers, sausage pizza, and roast chicken with rosemary or barbeque sauce. It's a 60 percent - 40 percent Cabernet Sauvignon-Merlot blend.

2001 Domaine de la Tourade Vacqueyras - $15.99: Spicy wine from the south Rhone region featuring cinnamon, green olive, and raisin flavors wrapped up in a dry red structure scented with eucalyptus and tobacco.

2000 Le Baron de Brane Margaux - $14.99: Second wine of Chateau Brane-Cantenac. Mostly Cabernet and Merlot. Nice and cheap with a dry finish and blackberry, persimmon, and raspberry jam flavor notes.

1993 Domaine de la Chevalerie Bourgueil Busardieres - $17.49: This underrated wine from the Loire region should remain underrated. This 100 percent Cabernet Franc--the heartbreak grape--proves that this hearty but as yet untamed grape is best as a blender not a solo act. Harsh with a tannic edge that 12 years should have tamed.

2002 Cape Mentelle Cabernet Merlot - $13.99: From Australia's Margaret River region. One of the only wines I revisit regularly. Yummy.